Unexpected Break Up & Road Trip

It all starts with a simple conversation at Main Street Coffee Bar in Bay City, TX.  Someone asked about my girlfriend.  Not really a big deal since most of the readers here know a little about her.  I met her online, her name was Elizabeth, she had rage issues, and soon we would be together 24/7 or so I thought.  Those are the highlights.  Now before I go any further I probably should say what I want from a relationship as I have always maintained the same desires and even posted them online before, so here is my future:

My “fantasy” love is where we both fall deeply in-love with each other. A kind of love where souls meld together and become one. We flow through the world and are seen as one bright light, ever evolving together and experiencing what this life has to offer. She will complete me in every facet of life. We will be together every moment of our lives 24/7. We will worship and love each other so utterly completely that when we look into each others eyes the world fades away. She will be my everything and I, hers. We will travel the world and have a philanthropic view of compassion for the human race. Our love will shine as a beacon bringing light to the darkness in all we meet along our path. I know she is out there… I will find her…

However, what I have discovered is although it sounds nice, many women just really can’t open up enough to love this way.  They want the fairytale “prince” and some demand this “prince” but they do not want to be the fairytale “princess” in return.  When I met Elizabeth she wanted this and told herself this would be a beautiful life, but what she was not ready for was the light that would shine into the darkness within her.  She became verbally abusive and somehow I, without realizing it, became a battered soul.  Every time she abused me with her words, I always believed she would change when she profusely apologized the next day.  I wanted to help her so much and I would always be there for her, but eventually my heart was shredded one too many times and this is that story.

This story has now been updated 1.5 years later as the truth of her has finally come out, I will put in italic those parts I have added since the original.

So a friend of mine was asking about her, you know, the generic stuff, like where was she from, who is her family and so on.  Well, when she found out she got exceedingly upset at me for telling someone about her.  That she was a private person and so on (Update: The entire time she was on Facebook and always posted about her life, but I was unaware of any of it).  Anyway, eventually she once again breaks up with me.  Now, if you read my view of an ideal relationship above then any little break up would be devastating, however I had long since let that go, not the core dream, that is firmly grounded in my being, but I had pulled back from her and waited to see how she would develop.  I always envisioned she would come around to it, because “it was what she wanted” after all. However I had numbed myself to her demands of my heart without her giving hers in return and I also had somehow managed to work myself into a financial corner with our lives.  One of the last times during our break up when she said, “I am going to destroy you”, she did manage to delete a small 150 page book I had made of our love in the beginning, when the relationship was new and exciting for both of us. I had planned to get it printed up as a hard backed book from Kinko’s as a gift when she finally moved totally in with me.  That was very hard on me, as I had spent months on it and never imagined she would actually delete something from an online storage place, otherwise I would have made backups.

So, getting back to present, she breaks up with me stating we are just two different people.  She is a private person (of course this was not true as I found out years later), I am more public at least in willingness to share my life with people I see as friends or good people.  Of course I am now becoming more public as evident with this blog, but as for the physical public, I am an introvert, however I am trying to work on that.  She doesn’t like Sci-fi, I do and so on.  She has a valid point about our differences and not-to-mention I am a much more kinder, understanding soul and she will attack anyone if she feels hurt or threatened even if the person she is focusing her rage on didn’t mean anything in the way she took it. (later of course, this was just a defense mechanism if I was getting close to discovering the truth about her.)

Back to us, once she calmed down she realized she broke up and so, she asked me back.  I informed her I can not just take her back whenever she feels like it.  I can not just allow her to stomp on my heart in the morning and then hand my heart back to her in the evening.

She responded via text, “Well I hate this and I wish I had never said it. Do you think it’s for the best?“

I said, “I don’t think we really have a choice sweetie“

She responded, “Why don’t we“

I said, “I would prefer to talk and not text because it is complicated.”

Ok but pretty much you’re telling me no?

Telling you no about what?

About getting back together

You will just break up with me again don’t you think?  It is extremely hard to keep getting rejected

I know it is.  I’m sorry I asked. It wasn’t fair.

Hope it gets easier.  Right now I wanna die

It will… You have a lot going for you… The loneliness is hard, I know too well, but you can at least always talk to me.

I wanted more.

No, you don’t always and that is a huge problem.

Wish you’d give me another chance.  but I know you can’t.

Well, I am not going to be the guy on the side or just some guy you can dump anytime you feel like it.  I have zero emotional security with you.

Ok I will no longer bother you.

Neveragain will you hear from me

See what I mean… you always just throw me away.

You hurt me and push me away, but then say how you want me.

I just don’t mean enough to you

You refuse to call when I ask and every time I have been there for you even when you break my heart.

I will never ask you to be there for me again.  I will never, NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN. AND I’M HURTING TOO.

I will be your worst nightmare

Because I said I will not be the guy on the side or someone you can dump anytime you feel?”

Seems a little extreme to hate me for not wanting to be dumped.

Whatever you have to tell yourself.

I don’t have to tell myself. I just have to read what I wrote.

And then read your response.

Get ur things out of my life!!!

Best decision I’ve ever made!

What now

What do you mean? you told me to get out of your life and that you are going to be my worst nightmare.  It seems I have to brace myself for more of you hating me.

No not more.  I don’t think I could feel worst about you.  When will you be leaving.

Please stop being mean to me, you already broke my heart enough today.  Would you please stop?

No, you broke mine

Please doesn’t mean anything to me, just like my pleases didn’t mean anything to you.  When r u leaving.

(in-case you are wondering, she never said please to me and at this point because I refused to take her back she feels I was the one at fault and broke her heart.  By leaving, she means she wants me to leave Bay City…)

You dumped me… You broke up with me… You also never said please, so I don’t know why you think you did.  You also said you would never behave the way you are.  Also you know I am not leaving for months, maybe years.

Yeah and you said you would never leave me.

Why do you have to live in Bay City

You know I do not have the funds to move to a new city right now.  Everything is tied up in investments.

Well somehow we need to cut all ties

Thank god your rid of me

(When I read “Thank god your rid of me I thought she was coming out of the rage and was looking for some support, so I tried calling her and she did not answer, however she did text a response)

Do I need to change my number

Sorry, I will leave you alone, didn’t mean to bother you.

You don’t want me so please don’t act like u do

(about an hour passes)

Why did you call me earlier

No answer?

Guess you’re out having fun

I am trying to honor your hatred of me and keep my distance.  You have made it clear how you feel, so much that you threatened to change your number.

Ok.  Need to know about bank and apartment info.  You want out? I’m giving it to you.

No, I said I am not going to let you just break my heart whenever you feel like it and break up with me all the time.  You left ME, YOU LEFT ME.  Not that what I say matters to you.  You will just ignore it or somehow make it my fault.

It really doesn’t matter.  My only concern now is moving on.  That’s why I need to know about the bank and apartment.

Get my things out of the apartment.  You will be rid of me completely by the end of the weekend!

Sorry, I am not emotionally able to text now, please go hate on someone else.

Really????????? I’m closing the bank account tomorrow and telling apartment office to take me off the lease.  I’m so done!!!! You will not hear from me again. I need to go.

(About 45 minutes later)

When can I get MY things out of the apartment.

Right now if you wish.

I wish you would just take a little time, so we can do this right and make sure everything is done as friendly as possible.  Instead of hating  me so much

I’m not being mean just want this over and want to move forward with my future.

No, I’m gonna need help and I don’t I can get someone at this late hour.  No, we are not friends and never will be.  I want to get this over asap.

I hope your not thinking of destroying my things cause that could really get bad.

I am not mean like that at all… You can hate all you want, but you know I would never destroy your things.

By the time this is over you will hate the ground I walk on.

After that last text she falls asleep.

Like most people we turn to our family when the “shit hits the fan” as they say and I was no different. I called home and was able to talk to my mother.  She was about to go to sleep as she had to work a 12 hour shift on Saturday, she is a Family/Relationship Counselor working on her Doctorates. However, she stayed up talking for about an hour to me and assured me on Sunday we would talk and try and figure out a solution.

At this point, I was hoping by the morning my ex-girlfriend and I would be able to actually talk.  However, in the morning the first thing she texted was, “Will try and come Sunday for things”  As it was a Saturday morning.

I didn’t respond because what was the point.  It was over and somehow I was going to have to move, not only out of this huge apartment, but to a different city and do it all with no money.  If you are reading this from my main site JD Sports Online then you know the season has begun and all my money is tied up.  I mean I do have some budget money, but things were certainly looking grim.

Now she has threatened to destroy me before and even threatened to close accounts and take me or herself off the lease in the past or threatened to try and get me kicked out, but she never actually did it.  However, by noon, she texted she was on her way to the leasing office.  At this point I didn’t know what to do.  Of course I would have time as the lease was not up, but she could try and pay a reletting fee to cancel it or take so many different avenues to try and wreck my life more than it was at this point.  Not-to-mention her physical violent side where she had not actually hurt anyone with a weapon, but had been known to pull out a gun and threatened in anger.

With all this going on in my mind, I called my sister, pictured to the left, and was letting her know what was going on.  She was calmly listening not really saying too much, but I was able to at least talk.  However, she then said, “hold on a minute.”  So I waited about a minute or two and she came back and said, “Dad is renting a U-Haul and we are coming to get you.  You shouldn’t stay in that type of situation.”  and just like that they were on their way.

My mind started racing.  All the possibilities, everything was changing.  During this time I get a call from the ex, she asked when I was leaving and I said in a couple of week since I didn’t want her to know and somehow make things worse.  She then started saying how sorry she was and she didn’t mean it and all that.  She said she would try to be a better person and, well you know, the usual.  However, since she was very calm and she kept wanting to know when I was going because she wanted to prove it to me, I finally told her I was leaving today.  She started crying uncontrollably, saying she couldn’t believe what she had done.  We talked for a long time and although this was my out and it was the first time I was in total control of our “relationship” I agreed, I would take everything to Corpus Christi except one truck load that would fit in my truck.  I would come back and if she didn’t rage on me and became this woman she actually wanted to be, the one I imagined and fell in love with, then I would stay.  This would require a complete overhaul of her personality on her part, not just how she treats me, but others too, the world even.  This is not a total impossibility, but it is extremely difficult and I have only really seen it happen once in my life time that I am aware of.  Regardless, I can leave at any moment if I need to, but if she can be this dream woman, my fantasy love, which I have seen glimpse of, then it would be worth it and I am willing to try.

Of course she will probably make little mistakes along the way, but if she keeps trying and really wants this to work then my life will be complete.  I will come back home to Corpus with a women where our love will out shine the stars.

This next section is my road trip to Corpus Christi. My relationship saga continues a couple of paragraphs from the end if you wish to skip this portion of the story.

My sister and father arrived and immediately started working on the really big furniture I have.  It took a lot of work as I live on the 2nd floor and my apartment has 2 stories in it, but we finally got it loaded and then sat down for a nice cold beer   Once the respite was over, they continued to load stuff while I boxed.  I had gotten a huge amount of boxes from the local Liquor stores and there were still plenty of boxes I left behind, so if you need boxes, try your local liquor store on Saturdays.  Anyway, hours and hours later we were finally finished.  I took a shower and they took a nap.  Since I am a polyphasic sleeper and only need a nap of 10 minutes, I could sleep anywhere or anytime, however I was going on 20 hours without a nap and wasn’t sure how much longer I would last, I was running on pure adrenaline it seemed.  I packed up a few clothes for the trip home and away we went.

The drive to Corpus took about 2.5 hours, it was around 4am when we rolled into the city and it was nice to smell the salt air. When we pulled up to the house and went inside, my mom was up watching a “Glee” marathon on Netflix via a Roku device and she greeted us with open arms.  By-the-time everyone was getting ready for bed, I had been up for about 24 hours.  Although there was a couch made for me, I moved the bedding to the floor of my sisters room as the room was empty.  She was remodeling it and it had this awesome cork flooring.  Nothing like what I expected, but it was comfortable.

About 3 hours and 12 minutes later from laying down I woke to a beautiful Sunday morning.  I went and did my normal morning “work” although it was a little harder since I had my laptop and I really needed multiple monitors, which later, since there are about 5 desk tops and 5 laptops in the house that I saw, some laptops seem to be buried, I was able to hook an extra monitor that was laying around to my little guy.  Anyway after a few hours everyone started getting up and mom started on breakfast.  My dad came out and said he was looking online for climate controlled units and had found a couple.  I too had been looking, but he talked about a different site.  I went to get dressed and by the time I got back I asked my mom where he was.  She said he left already.  LOL, man he moved fast.  He didn’t eat breakfast and just said for us to follow with breakfast when we came, but he had already secured a location and was on the way to finalize the paperwork.  My sister and I jumped into her hybrid car and away we went.  We caught up to him just as he finished getting the keys and to my new little home for my “things” we went.  Unloading was much faster and easier than loading up, probably because there were not all those stairs to climb.

After the unloading we came back home, had some lunch, and talked.  Later I went to visit with a friend of mine, Arnold Rodriquez, pictured to the left.  Anyway, it was good to talk about old times and hear about what is going on in the Bar business.  I still think about getting back into it and talking with old friends seems to light more of a fire.  I am pretty sure in the future, I will re-open O’Malley’s in some capacity.  It is probably a few years off as I have no real desire to start it at this time and besides I am more interested in finding my soul mate or working with her Anyway, it was good talking to him.

Back home and after dinner, we all sat around and watched:

Robin Hood – Russell Crowe stars as Robin Longstride in director Ridley Scott’s big-budget twist on the celebrated legend. When soldier Robin happens upon the dying Robert of Loxley, he promises to return the man’s sword to his family in Nottingham. There, he assumes Robert’s identity; romances his widow, Marion (Cate Blanchett); and draws the ire of the town’s sheriff (Matthew Macfadyen) and King John’s henchman, Godfrey (Mark Strong).

I have to say, as much as I like this genre of movies, I didn’t really enjoy this one.  Being with the family was great fun, but the movie itself was know where near as good as it could have been.  Now we watched the theatrical version and maybe we should have watched the directors cut, because some scenes jumped forward and it was left to you to decide what had happen.  Some scenes didn’t even go with what was going on, as if entire scenes were cut that would have explained some issues.  Overall it is okay, to watch, kind of.  I actually feel it was more a waste of time.

Later in the evening, around 2:30am I finally left and took a walk a long the bay front and it was a beautiful night.  The temperature was perfect and the wind along the bay was howling.  It was great to go behind the Holiday Inn Emerald Beach and relax and soak up the raw sounds of the waves and wind.  I have always been one to love storms and wind and as I got older I developed even more appreciation for the raw power of mother nature.  I remember being in high school and the teacher was discussing Emily Bronte and how she loved to go out and experience the raw power of nature in a storm; stand in the middle of it all with her arms wide and I distinctively remember thinking, doesn’t everyone?  To me this was a given, something I thought everyone enjoyed this frolic behavior, however as time moved on, I realized this was not the case.  Well, me and Emily definitely see eye to eye on this.

As you can see below at 3am, there is no one around. Well, almost, there was a group of 4 walking along the beach running around, obviously young kids, as in probably in their early 20s. I saw them as I was leaving.

I continued driving around and Elizabeth was texting.  She was extremely concerned that I was not coming back.  I must have reassured her 20 times at least.  At least enough to where she finally could go to sleep.  The city was nearly as deserted as Bay City at 4am on a Monday morning, but you could see a few people out.  I pulled into Denny’s and ate one of my old favorites, from the many nights of closing O’Malley’s, the Super Bird and had a cup of coffee.  It was as good as I remembered

I finally headed back to my parents and fell asleep around 7am for about 3 hours.  I had some sushi for breakfast/lunch this Monday afternoon and then my mother and I went to set up some bank accounts in the city, in case I need them to fall back on.  Later my dad came home and made some of the most and I am not exaggerating at all, but some of the best steaks on the planet.  He always does this, I watched a little of what he does, but I will one day learn this secrets because every time, his steaks are juicy and down right delicious.  One of my “to do” list items is to have my dad cook some Kobe Steaks, just thinking about it makes my mouth water.  He just does an incredible job.  Of course we had some beer and some green veggies I didn’t really notice but ate.

Later, Jean and I went to Cafe Calypso and I always remembered this place fondly, but I don’t know it if was because I hang out at Main Street Coffee Bar often, but the mocha at Calypso just wasn’t as good as I remembered, however it was nice to sit and talk with my sister.

Continuing with the Relationship part:

Soon, it was time for me to head back to Bay City, TX.  I said my good-byes and gave my hugs.  It was around midnight as I started my journey home.  As a Polyphasic sleeper, I had taken a 10 minute nap at 11pm, so I was good for another 4 hours easily.  The entire way home I didn’t get sleepy at all and my mind was filled with possibilities.  No longer was I oppressed and felt alone.  My family was there for me, if I needed them.  I was more in control of my future regarding my feelings and in a moment I could start my life in Corpus.  I was a little worried about Callie, my very pretty and needy cat, since my dad is kind of allergic so she could not stay in the house.  However, I can very easily get a small apartment for her and I, if needed.  It was freeing to know I could now live by my own terms and although it may have seemed like I was just giving in to Elizabeth, I had seen her overwhelming kindness in the past and if she could become that person, then it was worth, one more chance.

It is now the end of the fifth day since her total transformation of character and she has not had a single episode.  It’s as if a new soul has taken over and she has been exceptionally kind to me and to others.  I, of course, am holding a lot of my heart back and she understands that.  I will be here for her and by her side while she walks this journey giving her the support when she needs it, but I need time to trust, time to heal and hopefully by walking together we will heal together.

She has been seeing a therapist for a while now and in her latest session, the therapist eased into that my “girlfriend” was an Emotional Domestic Abuser and this stunned her.  Although it was one thing for others to say things like that but for her therapist to confirm it, was something she is still trying to cope with as I write this. However she did not get mad as her old self would have, instead she had remorse and for the first time ever, she talked to me as soon as she got out of the session.  We discussed it and even talked about how it has effected her relationship with her family, something she never really would discuss with me.  She opened up and saw herself and what she had done.  She is now on the road to amends…

G’nite and sweet dreams,

John

P.S. It is now a year later and I thought I should update this page.  We tried for months, but in-the-end it seemed it wasn’t meant to be.  I have since moved back to Corpus Christi, Texas and our lives have gone separate ways.  We text every now and then, but that relationship is forever in the past.  I wish her well and hope she finds true happiness.

P.S.S. Now a year and a half later, I have learned the truth and it is mind blowing. She actually at one time said she had surgery and wouldn’t be able to really text or anything for 2 weeks, turns out she was on a cruise ship with someone else.  She lied so much about phantom medical issues and so often it is just astonishing and sometimes very hard to wrap my head around the complex deception she wove.  She was truly a master of lies and deception. When I asked, why did you even bother trying to keep me since she was lying so often to me, she didn’t really answer but said she loved me in her own way.  The amount of deception was just staggering and so layered like an onion, once you uncover one lie it revels so many others.  In-the-end, it seems life balances itself out and although, I was played the fool, the one thing that did happen was she kept me unavailable.  I am now engaged to the most wonderful woman on this planet and without the craziness of this story, we might have never met, so for that, Jennifer and I, thank you.